Is My Husband Addicted to Porn?
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Table of Contents
This page contains the following information:
- Definition, Signs and Symptoms of Porn Addiction.
- Effects of Porn Addiction on the Family.
- Self-Care and Treatment Options for Wives of Porn Addicts.
What is Porn Addiction?
Porn addiction, which is a subset of sex addiction, although not yet an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-V, can lead to severe consequences in multiple aspects of one’s life, as well as the life of family and friends. Porn addiction is characterized by a range of behaviors that are done in excess and negatively impact one’s life.
Porn Addiction Signs and Symptoms
There are many tell-tale signs associated with porn usage. If you suspect that your husband is addicted to porn, look out for these signs:
- Disproportionate viewing of pornography, beyond what is considered healthy.
- Interference with normal daily behaviors or responsibilities.
- Catching him masturbating regularly.
- Pornography use considerably affecting his relationships, for example:
- It may become increasingly difficult for him to become aroused by normal sexual contact.
- Sexual behavior between you and him may change (e.g., he is emotionally disconnected or he becomes more dominant or aggressive).
- You notice withdrawal (emotional distress) when he stops watching porn.
- Sexual dysfunction (e.g., impotence, premature ejaculation).
- He continues to use pornography despite severe consequences (e.g., loss of relationship or job, severe sexual dysfunction).
The Damage Porn Can Do to a Family
Porn addiction is a hazard to marriage, family, and society as a whole. It can have profound and devastating effects on the lives of those surrounded by the person suffering from addiction.
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The individual is not the only one affected by his addiction to pornography; you and your children can be deeply damaged as well, and oftentimes, long-term treatment is necessary for recovery.
The Individual and the Family
The porn and sex addict is at risk for debilitating and life-ruining consequences. It can negatively affect his relationship with you, your children, and friends. Pornography usage can lead to:
- Infidelity.
- Lack of trust within the couple.
- Divorce.
- Belief that promiscuity is the norm.
- Emotional distance from wife and children.
- Lack of sexual attraction to wife.
- Loss of interest in family.
- Craving for graphic porn.
- Cynicism about love and affection.
Research suggests that porn addiction has a similar neuronal pathway to drug addiction. Porn users are likely to develop dependence and tolerance, requiring the consumption of increasingly graphic and atypical sexual material in order to get the same “high” as previously. This leads to desensitization to antisocial sexual behaviors such as rape, physical assault, and promiscuity and normalization of violence and objectification of women.
The Wife
If you are the wife of a porn addict, you will likely experience severe psychological harm. You may compare yourself to women portrayed in porn and develop low self-esteem as a result.
In a survey of wives of identified sex addicts, 70% of women met the criteria for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a condition embodied by feelings of powerlessness, invasive thoughts and memories, and avoidance of triggers associated with the trauma, which in this case is your husband’s porn addiction.
If your husband is addicted to porn, chances are you may experience the following feelings:
- Rejection.
- Betrayal.
- Depression.
- Abandonment.
- Isolation.
- Humiliation.
- Loneliness.
- Anger.
If your husband is addicted to porn, it’s important for you to understand that he’s not the only one in need of help and rehabilitation. It’s a very difficult and emotionally-trying time for you as well and treatment may be necessary to recover from the trauma.
The Child
Children or teenagers may experience isolation and trauma related to his or her parent’s porn addiction and is at risk for viewing sexually explicit content as well as subsequent emotional disturbances. Teenage boys, 12-17 years old, have the highest risk of developing a porn addiction. The child of someone addicted to porn may be exposed to pornography at a young age and this could lead to serious mental health issues.
Viewing porn can have severe and crippling consequences on teenagers down the line, affecting both their psychological and physical wellbeing. These consequences include:
- Distorted view of the world.
- Reduced ability to build healthy relationships.
- Increased violence and aggression towards women.
- Desensitization to sexual violence.
- Increased high-risk behaviors.
Research has shown that teenagers exposed to pornography are more likely to be promiscuous and more likely to have used alcohol or other substances during sexual encounters. This increases the risk for developing a substance addiction or mental health condition.
Teens addicted to pornography are likely to experience the following:
- Depression.
- Social anxiety.
- Erectile dysfunction.
- Negative self-image.
- Concentration problems.
- A lack of motivation.
What Do I Do if My Husband is Addicted to Porn?
If you think your husband is addicted to pornography or you have discovered his addiction, the first thing you should do is partake in emotional first-aid, in which you can prepare yourself for long-term recovery. Emotional first-aid will help you to understand and balance your feelings in order to prepare yourself for long-term healing.
Emotional First-Aid
- Physical self-care: The body responds to trauma with adrenaline and anxiety. It is important to get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, exercise, meditate, and pay attention to the signals from your body.
- Spiritual grounding: Prayer, meditation, and church counsel can provide you with strength you need to prevail.
- Emotional expression: It is critical to release your feelings throughout the healing process. Allow yourself the freedom to express yourself in a healthy way. No feeling is wrong or inappropriate; the only mistake you can make is keeping your feelings in.
- Connect to others: It is not recommended that you remain isolated. Find a few confidants you can trust, whether they are close friends, support groups, therapists, or church leaders.
- Simplify your life: Put yourself in the best position to heal. Do not commit to extra events and duties. Clear your schedule and do what is best for you.
- Education: Utilize all of your resources so that you adequately understand the problem. This will help to verify your feelings throughout the process.
Treatment Options for Wives
Once you’ve taken care of yourself physically, spiritually, and emotionally, there are treatment options available to you:
- Therapy: A qualified sexual addiction and betrayal trauma therapist will help to validate your feelings as well as face your fears.
- S-Anon: A 12-Step program designed to aid in the recovery of a spouse affected by sex or porn addiction. It is vital to connect with others who have had similar experiences.
- Recovery Coaching: Partners of Sex Addicts Resources offers recovery coaching from someone who has been through the experience. He or she can provide you with tools you need to heal as well as set boundaries and enforce them.
If your husband has a porn addiction, remember that you are not alone. There are thousands of other women going through the same thing as you and connecting with them is crucial to your recovery.
You may be blaming yourself for his addiction to porn but his addiction is not your fault. It has nothing to do with your attractiveness or his love for you. All of the treatment options will help you to express and understand your emotions while building skills necessary to heal and move on.
If you are suffering as a result of your husband’s porn addiction and are interested in learning more about treatment options, call .
